How to Manage Your Emotions Effectively
The Emotion-in-Roles theory refers to a psychological theory developed to explain the relationship between an individual and his or her emotions. According to the Emotion-In-Roles theory, humans are basically three-dimensional beings experiencing two different emotional states or “moods”.
Humans can fall into one state of emotion called the “alert state”, and they can also fall into another state of emotion known as the “deep state”. According to the Emotion-In-Roles theory, the state of alertness is linked to self-reflection, while the deep state of emotion is related to an inner, more primitive, part of the brain.
When two people who belong to different emotional states try to interact with each other, their interaction is alleged to be affected by the state of arousal they feel towards each other.
Besides the obvious effect, this has on the person who is in the state of arousal, which is potentially dangerous, this also affects the other party in ways not immediately apparent.
These effects are referred to as expectancy effects. For example, if a man expects that his wife will feel a certain way when he is attracted to her, and this expectation is actually realized when this realization takes place, he might feel angry when his wife does something that he does not expect.
This process has a number of obvious consequences
- First, therapists can facilitate the process by helping their clients imagine scenarios that do not include the other partner in an emotional state that might trigger anger or rejection.
- Second, they can help their clients realize that such triggering situations do not usually occur.
- And third, a good therapist can help his or her client to detach himself or herself from the emotional impact this perceived closeness can have on the person with whom the client interacts.
This detachment permits the clients to experience new possibilities for a satisfying relationship. To facilitate emotional intimacy, we have to understand how we, ourselves, categorize emotional relationships: strong, shallow, dark, positive, negative, or empty.
This way we can begin to identify our own emotional states. As far as possible we should aim to create close relationships and then work on the ones we have as if they were not close at all.
Emotion-focused therapy looks closely at how we relate to others and how we are related to ourselves
Our emotions guide our thinking, feelings, behavior, organizing thoughts, and our choice of actions. The goal of emotion-focused therapy is to help clients discover what are the sources of their negative emotions, which in turn can help them find healthy and positive emotions, replacing the negative ones with more appropriate ones. In this way, emotion-focused therapy can facilitate emotional healing.
However, one important point to be noted is that the focus of emotion-focused therapy should not be on the emotions, but on the cause, so that we may take necessary corrective measures for these negative emotions, instead of simply trying to suppress them.
In other words, we should recognize the part our emotions play in our lives and in how we organize our thinking, feelings, behavior, and choices. This is important because our emotions guide us to do the right thing and the wrong thing, which determine the quality of our lives.
If we suppress our emotions, we become a victim of our emotions, which does not allow us to live effectively
What is good therapy? Good therapy does not simply seek to remove the emotion, but to accompany it and support it. The main goal of good therapy is helping the client to discover and change the emotions, which are negatively influencing their life.
Through skillful counseling, both the client and the therapist to help clients understand the source of the emotion so that they can choose the appropriate ways of dealing with the emotion. In addition to this, the therapist also helps the clients to take control of the emotion, so that they no longer feel it controlling their lives.
If your emotions are too strong, you may feel like doing something aggressive. If you become tense or impatient, you may feel like fighting, intimidating someone, or hurting another person.
In such situations, you will have the urge to act in an unpleasant way. However, if you learn to manage your feelings in a well-controlled manner, you will not be in a position to hurt another person physically or emotionally.
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